Happiness; It's An Inside Job!

Life, Love & Self

2009-02-02T09:47:00.004-05:00

About Essence

Essence doesn't seek to change life, but it does guide it through intention, and that is very different from trying to change what is happening in the moment, which is what the ego is all about. Essence shapes the moment, but it doesn't try to change it as it is. It rejoices in shaping it and in the result of that shaping, Essence creates life, which is an ongoing process, but it doesn't argue or lament in what results, as the ego does. It continues to shape it and enjoys this process of creation as it does this.

About Conditioning

We expect our true love to line up with our conditioning, but maybe our conditioning—what we like and dislike—is not a good guide for finding true love. We are so busy going after what we like and don't like that we don't consider that our likes and dislikes could actually be keeping us from finding a satisfying love.

We mistake our conditioning for who we are, so naturally we fight over it because it feels like we are fighting for our life. Another reason that it is difficult to ignore our conditioning is that we believe it: When we think something, because it is our thought, we believe it is right. We think our conditioning is the right conditioning and that others should be like us. Even if we aren't under the illusion that they should be like us, we still wish they would be and try to win them over to our way of seeing or doing things.

About The Ego

Differences are not inherently problematic in relationships, but the ego feels that it must do something about differences. It points them out, judges them, argues with them, attacks them, and tries to change them. Differences make the ego feel superior, inferior, defensive, frightened, or angry—not loving, kind, compassionate, or even curious. For the ego, differences stir up inner and outer conflict and plenty of feelings. This is the ego's experience of relationships.

About Love

We learn to love by being loved, which makes us feel safe and secure enough to open our heart to another.Anything less keeps the ego on guard and defensive. Love disarms the ego like nothing else. It breaks through the egoic state of consciousness and evokes love in us, which brings us into alignment with essence, where we can more easily express the qualities of essence: love, peace, joy, serenity, happiness, kindness, compassion, patience, and fortitude, to name a few. That is why love is the greatest gift you can give another. It is the gift that allows others to relax and return to essence and the true happiness and peace that is our birthright.

Love is the recognition of the divine Self in another. It is the ability to see beyond (or behind) the egoic mask to the real Self, which is exquisitely lovable and which evokes love in others. All of the qualities that you love in another are qualities of the divine Self, of essence: compassion, understanding, wisdom, kindness, love, patience, and inner strength. These are not qualities of the ego, which is innately self-centered and focused on its needs. Is it any wonder that when we are identified with the ego, we don't feel very loveable? The ego is not very lovable, but essence is, and from essence, even the ego is lovable.

Love is not about needs but about seeing beyond your conditioned needs and desires to the essence of the other person and sharing at that level. Essence's purpose in relationships is to experience Oneness with another—to experience love. It has no other purpose. It is not trying to get anything from the other. It is just happy to be with the other and celebrate that beingness together.

About Relationships

As long as you believe that you are your self image and that others are their self image or your image of them, you will find it difficult to have relationships. From the level of ego, relationships boil down to a struggle to change others and get your needs met. For the ego, relationships, like everything else, are all about me and what's in it for me. What happens when you have two people trying to have a relationship with this as the basis? No one is happy. No one gets what they want because getting what you want misses the point.

It is possible to have a real relationship with someone—a relationship between what is Real in someone and Real in another. This is the ideal in relationship—not finding an ideal partner who will meet your every need but being the ideal partner by being the expression of loving kindness that you always wanted and that you have always been. You do this by being aligned with essence, your true self.

About The Personality

We are told to look beyond appearances, but even then, we often just see the personality. How people behave and react—their personality—is still part of the costume. The personality has no more depth or significance in terms of who they are than their physical appearance. We think we are being less superficial by loving people for their personality rather than their appearance, but the personality is just more programming. People have no more control over it than they do over their appearance.

About Judgment

Judgment is the easiest thing to do because it is the most natural thing for the ego. It is also easy because judgment is based on differences, and differences are everywhere. Life doesn't duplicate itself, so everything and everyone is an opportunity for the ego to judge.

Judgment undermines relationship little by little or more quickly, but the result is the same—the demise of the relationship. A little bit of ongoing judgment is just as bad as a lot of it because, over time, it is enough to kill a relationship. Judgment is more pernicious than we would like to think. It seems rather innocuous in minor doses or over small matters, but like poison, a little is enough to kill.

About Changing Your Partner

It is not your partner's responsibility to change just because you have conditioning that demands that. Your wanting your partner to change is not enough reason for him or her to change. If you want a loving relationship, you have to take responsibility for your conditioning and the feelings generated by it and choose to give up your judgments and attempts to change your partner. When you do this, you will discover what true love is because your partner will love you for being so loving, accepting, and allowing. There is nothing that opens someone's heart more than someone with an open heart.

Nothing is ever lost in choosing love. Your judgments never worked anyway. They only created anger, hurt, and separation. When you see the truth of this, it becomes much easier to choose love over judgment.

About Falling In Love

The feeling of attraction is not love. Attraction is just tied to a feeling of love, and it is a conditioned response, not real love. The feeling of love (attraction) is just masquerading as real love. This is why you can fall in love with someone you don't even know: Falling in love is a feeling of attraction that gets triggered by something about the partner. It is a conditioned response.

About Sex

We believe that fulfillment is possible through sex. This is a deeply conditioned misunderstanding. Sex cannot fulfill you anymore than Twinkies can. Sex is a pleasurable experience. We give it far too much weight and importance. We think that good sex will fulfill us and make us happy and make our relationship wonderful. Sex doesn't have that much power. It is a passing pleasure. Our conditioning around relationships makes sex seem to be the key to happiness in relationships, and it is not.

The only fulfillment sex is capable of is momentary fulfillment by being fully present to it in the moment. The same could be said for any pleasure or anything of a passing nature: It has the potential to be fulfilling in that moment if you are present to it, but it is not going to fulfill you because this you (the ego) can never be fulfilled because it is not its nature to be fulfilled but to be dissatisfied.

About Fantasies

It is good to notice that fantasies, by definition, do not match reality. They are therefore very poor guides for choosing a mate. However, we are programmed to think otherwise. We really believe that our fantasies indicate the kind of person we will be happiest with. Life has a plan for your happiness, and it isn't given to you by way of your fantasies. It is given to you by way of real life: Life brings you the man or woman it intends for you.

About Experiencing Oneness With Another

The way out of the egoic state of consciousness and into essence is not a hard road after all. All it takes is paying attention to the love, joy, peace, contentment, compassion, wisdom, and happiness that are already here in this moment. Can you feel them—any of them—even just a little? That is your doorway into essence. Even a sliver of love or peace or joy can take you there. This is also the answer to finding love in relationship: Notice the love that is there and not the other person's persona, words, or actions.

You are here to find love, not just for yourself but for the divine Self, which has been hiding it from you in this world of form just so that you could have the pleasure and amazement of discovering it in the simple quiet of this moment and in your beloved's eyes.

Resentment - The REAL Story!

2009-02-02T09:19:00.004-05:00

Resentment is a kind of attachment.
It builds a strong connection
between you and the person you resent.
Is that really what you want?
The time and energy devoted
to resentment are your own.
Is that really how you wish
to spend those precious resources?
You don't have to like someone
in order to let go of your resentment for them.
Be willing to forgive.
Carrying a grudge is mostly your burden.
Consider how valuable it would be
to free yourself from it.
It doesn't mean that whatever wrong
you suffered was acceptable,
or that you would allow it to happen again.
It simply means that you're ready
and willing to move past it.
Letting go and forgiving
does not undo what was done,
but it does free you from having to waste
any more time or effort on useless resentment.
Find a way to do that,
and turn your focus to the future.

Sourse: Ralph Marston

Focus On Gratitude

2009-01-30T11:29:00.004-05:00

Did you know thoughts and words have energy? Like energy attracts like energy in the spiritual realms. Negative thoughts and words can create negative results. Ever have “one of those days” and you dare to ask what else could possibly go wrong next… and next thing you know…. Something happens to bring your mood down even further? A huge example can be seen in the news as the American economic crisis unfolds. The media fed us fear over the last 8 years on the economy, folks began to worry and react. Like a giant snowball, this problem started from a tiny snowflake into a huge monster because they continually gave us reasons to be fearful.

BUT…. The good news is that positive energy can have just the opposite affect. You see, no amount of worry can do anything to change the situation our government has put us in. There is really nothing any of us can do short of writing our leaders and expressing our concerns. So, if there is nothing you can do, then you need to put that concern on a shelf for now. Life is too short to worry about problems that haven’t yet come to pass. If and when they do, you can then take action towards your own solution to dealing with it.

What can I do now?
Start a gratitude journal. I’m talking about little things that happen during the day that make you smile inside. It might be something like finding a dollar in the parking lot or winning a buck with a scratch off ticket. Or your child blowing you a kiss or saying something that makes you laugh your butt off. It might be the beauty of the white snow sparkling in the sun or your child kissing the tears off your face. It might be more practical like your electric bill dropped $20 this month or you didn’t get stopped in road construction today. The idea is to pay attention to the tiniest things for which you are thankful. Write them down. Set a daily goal of 10 or 20. You might want to purchase a journal that strikes your fancy and a matching pen. You can just use a spiral notebook. It doesn’t matter. Being mindful is all it takes.

By keeping this journal, you are looking for things for which to be thankful…. Things that brought a little lift to your spirit even if only for a fleeting second. Writing them takes a little effort and discipline. But it also helps keep your mind thinking of new things to add. In other words, it makes you more aware of the blessings around you.

How does this work?
I have shown you what fear does with the drastic example of the media and the American public. From that, you can see what fear does. It causes us to react and change our behaviors. Fear is a negative emotion…. And it has negative results. With that in mind, what difference would your life have if you turned your focus from fear towards hope? Have you ever worried to death about something and it didn’t get any better? Worry can’t fix anything. If a situation is negative it can’t be fixed with negativity.

Positive situations don’t need fixed. With the infusion of more positive energy, it only gets better.

By training your mind to focus towards the positive, you are empowered to overcome the negative. Bad things will happen to all of us. It can never be fixed with negative emotions.

So… by looking for reasons to be grateful you will start to become more and more aware of that feeling in your day. As you feel that little lift, your emotional vibration increases. This mindfulness is very habit forming. You will not only feel better, but you will also notice that things tend to go your way more often. Some would call that coincidence or even say it’s your imagination. But those who work with energy understand that like energy attracts like energy. What you are doing is using the law of attraction to create a happier state of mind.

How will focusing on gratitude help me?
The more grateful you are, the more reasons you will have to be grateful. And when life throws you a curve ball, you will be able to focus on the solution, not the problem. If there is no solution, then you understand that you have to change focus towards something positive. And when troublesome situations pop up, you already know that you have to calm down and keep your emotions in check. Find a silver lining in the problem and expand upon it.

How do I find the time?
If you are looking for time, it isn’t there. If you make the time, then you will have it. It takes maybe 5 or 10 minutes a day to do this. Keep your journal with you. Write when you sit at the doctor’s office. Write while waiting for your kid’s sport to begin. Write while you wait in traffic.

1 week challenge
All I ask of you is that you do this for one week. Set a goal of 10 or more blessings per day. See how your emotional state is at the end of the challenge. See if anything has improved in your life over that period. What do you have to lose but negative energy?

Cool idea!
If you have shared this with others, you can all get together weekly or monthly for coffee and to share your experiences. Talking to others who also work from this higher state of mind will take you even higher. Feel free to list those things that you are grateful for on this blog.

source world press blog

The ABC's of Happiness

2009-01-29T13:39:00.004-05:00

A--Accept others for who they are
and for the choices they've made
even if you have difficulty understanding
their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B--Break away from everything
that stands in the way
of what you hope
to accomplish with your life.

C--Create a family of friends
whom you can share
your hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide that you'll be successful
and happy come what may,
and good things will find you.
The roadblocks are only
minor obstacles along the way.

E--Explore and experiment.
The world has much to offer,
and you have much to give.
And every time you try something new,
you'll learn more about yourself.

F--Forgive and forget.
Grudges only weigh you down
and inspire unhappiness and grief.
Soar above it, and remember
that everyone makes mistakes.

G--Grow by leaving
the emotional scars
of your childhood behind you.
They serve you no purpose today.

H--Hope for the best
and never forget
that anything is possible
as long as you remain
dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore the negative
voice inside your head.
Focus instead on your goals
and remember your accomplishments.
Your past success is only
a small inkling
of what the future holds.

J--Journey to new worlds,
new possibilities,
by remaining open-minded.
Try to learn something new
every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know that no matter
how bad things seem,
they'll always get better.
The warmth of spring always
follows the harshest winter.

L--Love must always
fill your heart instead of hate.
When hate is in your heart,
there's room for nothing else,
but when love is in your heart,
there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage your time
and your expenses wisely,
and you'll suffer less stress and worry.
Then you'll be able to focus
on the important things in life.

N--Notice the poor, infirm,
helpless, weak, or suffering.
Offer your assistance
when possible, and always
your kindness and understanding.

O--Open your eyes and take in
all the beauty around you.
Even during the worst of times,
there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play! Never forget
to have fun along the way.
Success means
nothing without happiness.

Q--Question and ask why often.
You're here to learn.

R--Relax and refuse to let worry
and stress rule your life,
and remember that
things always have a way
of working out in the end.

S--Share your talent,
skills, knowledge,
and time with others.
Everything that you invest in others
will return to you many times over.

T--Try even when your dreams
seem impossible to reach.
You'll be amazed
by what you can accomplish.

U--Use your gifts
to your best ability.
Talent that's wasted
has no value.
Talent that's used
will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value the friends and family
members who've supported
and encouraged you,
and be there for them as well.

W--Work hard every day
to be the best
person you can be,
but never feel guilty
if you fall short of your goals.
Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X--X-Ray! Look deep
inside the hearts
of those around you
and you'll see the goodness
and beauty within.

Y--Yield to commitment.
If you stay on track
and remain dedicated,
you'll find success
at the end of the road.

Z--Zealously support a worthy cause.

Why Wait To Be Happy?

2009-01-28T10:51:00.006-05:00

If you are preparing to or fixated on being happy,
the fact is that you will not be.

If happiness for you, is a goal you plan to achieve
you will not be successful.

The only time you can ever experience happiness
is the moment that you are in; right now!

Happiness is unconditional
It asks for nothing in return; just to be.
When you put conditions on happiness,
it immediately disappears.

Happiness makes no judgments or demands.
When you focus on judging others (or yourself)
and making demands of them,
it drives happiness away from your life.

When you allow yourself to be truly happy,
the positive energy can reach into every aspect of your life.

Happiness is always inside you, ready whenever you are.
No object, no person, no circumstance will make you happy.
You are always happy when you decide to be.

The good things in life do not cause happiness.
It is precisely the other way around.
Allow happiness to flow out from you,
and the good things in life
will surround you and fill your world.

Choose to be happy, with no conditions
imposed upon that happiness,
and you'll create the ideal conditions for your life.

Happiness is a beautiful gift
you can give yourself no matter what.
Give it freely and it will change your world.

If Only I Could Be Happy!

2009-01-26T11:39:00.007-05:00

It seems these days that everyone is so caught up in the stress of life, that happiness has taken the lonely back seat to "just getting by". The average person has become so used to just getting by that going through the motions has become a way of life. When stress, hardship and/or crisis consumes us and robs us of our happiness, we have to ask ourselves what our happiness is dependent upon.

Do we find that we are only truly happy when life is going good? Is there a tendency to become resentful, angry and/or depressed when faced with life challenges? If the answer is yes, you're amongst many. But is yes the right answer for finding happiness, or the right answer for unknowingly validating our internal need to suffer?

So how do you go from "unknowingly suffering" to finding a life full of peace love and happiness? Well, unless you are one of the very few people fortunate enough to live an exceptional life; one free of crisis and hardship, then I believe happiness at times, is a learned emotion that is fully reliant on the way we process our thoughts and reactions to external events. Happiness is not only an "inside job", but a full time job that if managed successfully will provide you with a lifetime of emotional prosperity.

This brings to mind a quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer that says "Change your mind, change your life". But is it really that easy? Can we just DECIDE to be happy? The unequivicable answer is YES WE CAN! I'm not saying it won't be challenging but the rewards you will reap from successfully learning to manifest your happiness are life long. Before real change can happen however, you must decide to become happy, commit to the process, and take action to make the necessary changes in your life.

One very serious question you need to ask yourself is if you are able and willing to release your attachment to being unhappy. Many people initially do not "see" or "get" the concept of being attached to their unhappiness or emotional suffering.

To aid us in the process of understanding our unhappiness, let's officially define SUFFERING because the term, for some can initially seem exaggerated. So, what is it?
Suffering is a fixation on pain.

Here is some very interesting information from an article entitled "Beyond Suffering" which explains more:

"For many people their life drama is the basis of their identity. They require recognition for the suffering that they have endured. This is a very human and legitimate need. The problem is that recognizing the suffering does not cure it.

Suffering can be the result of the daily little disasters that for many people is their way to feel alive. For some it is the only familiar way to participate in life; their learned response. Suffering can also be your quiet mantra that life is unjust and hard. In such a case, you may feel like a victim of the circumstances. As a victim, you give your power to the circumstances.

It is important at this point to distinguish between the pain between loss and suffering. Loss is when we lose someone we love. Pain is a natural reaction to loss. The pain passes, if you allow yourself to mourn the loss. After such active mourning you turn back to life."

The above example was based on the loss of a loved one by either death, separation/divorce, or perhaps relocation, but I believe pain can result in ANY situation that concludes in an unexpected loss. There are tangible losses such as the loss of one's home, financial stability, health, and material possessions. There are also the intangible losses such as the loss of trust, respect, passion/desire, understanding, compassion and love from those we cherish.

Close your eyes for a moment and think deeply and honestly about how you see yourself (not what you look like, but who you are as a person). What do you see?

One of the most important aspects of achieving life long happiness is knowing how we view and feel about ourselves. This is crucial, because in life, we will NEVER rise about our own self image, unless we change what we see, rather than how we look.

If you find that your self image mirrors the chaotic, unhappy happenings of your life, you are not alone. There are few things in life we can control, but one of them is how we process (or think about) what happens around us.

The bottom line when dealing with the emotion of happiness, is if you are either unable or unwilling to change what is making you heavy hearted or unhappy, then you absolutely must change the way you think about it, or you will continue to suffer. There is good news, however! If you are willing and able to make changes, know without any doubt at all, that happiness is completely within your reach!

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I hope you found this material helpful. I look forward to frequently sharing new thoughts, recommendations,, and possible behavior suggestions with you. I invite you to follow this blog and share/post your comments, opinions and questions. If you know someone who may benefit from this information, please refer them.